


I need help smh

by sleepingcets



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepingcets/pseuds/sleepingcets
Summary: Part of me wants you to see this so bad so you’ll give me a second chance. Another part of me is worried I’ll change my mind again after you do and make you regret everything and not even wanna be friends after that. So I’ll just leave this here. Let fate or luck or the universe or whatever decide if you should see this or not.
Relationships: both of us?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 2





	1. 3 days after (looking for Alaska things lol)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my moonlight](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+moonlight).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a thing for waiting now?  
>  _There is a law somewhere that says that when one person is thoroughly smitten with the other, the other must unavoidably be smitten as well.  
>  Amor ch’a null’amato amar perdona.   
> Love, which exempts no one who’s loved from loving, Francesca’s words in the Inferno. Just wait and be hopeful. I was hopeful, though perhaps this was what I had wanted all along. To wait forever. ___

Why do I like you more than I did when we were together now? :/  
Maybe I have some weird want for the unattainable. This is like that one bit in CMBYN, perhaps this was what I had wanted all along. To wait forever. I feel so good knowing I relate to CMBYN somehow ahwhjssbdh.  
I’m sorry for that day but every song reminds me of you now. You probably realised that from all the new songs in the playlist. If you still listen to it, that is.  
I don’t know what to say but everything feels wrong now and I want us to be a thing so bad. I hate this so much. Why can’t I stay true to myself ahhajwjshdjjdhdhd  
Fuck distance. Fuck homophobia. Fuck the fact that we may not even meet for years if we’re unlucky. I want us to work so bad now.  
The way you reacted that day just made me wanna cry. Like I didn’t expect you to be so understanding about my madness.  
Now I want to travel all 6 hours just to hold your face. Fml I’ve started saying the cheesy shit I always hated. But seriously. I don’t want anything more than to just hold your face in my hands. Hold hands with you. Go on cute walks and picnics. I wanna feel cottagecore with you T_T  
You’re very important to me and I don’t wanna fuck things up over how I feel because god knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. But I haven’t felt so much in so long. Like I feel so soft for you now. Soft feelings haven’t happened in so long I feel so weird and don’t know how to deal with it. And you sending pictures with your hair open in that “seksy” dress isn’t helping. That makes soft feelings turn not very decent for awhile :) Don’t stop though lol. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
> Jenny - Studio Killers


	2. Day 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I should call you up, invest a dime  
> And you say you belong to me and ease my mind  
> Imagine how the world could be, so very fine  
> So happy together

My idea of home was always me and a cat or two until now. The thought of living with another human always felt too intrusive or something. Idk. But today morning, while brushing my teeth, you were there too. In the home inside my head. You were there when I woke up in the morning and you smiled at me and the thought made me smile so much. Everything felt so easy like Sunday mornings used to be. Ahh fuck this cheesy shit is pissing me off. Bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Happy Together - Turtles_


	3. Fifth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something about you makes me difficult

You referred to yourself as my girl in that snap. So are we both gonna just slowly get gayer until we make it official now lol. I’m not complaining ofc. I like it a little too much. Some day this week I’m gonna send Jenny to you and fuck shit up. Ahhh why do I talk too much. 99% of my problems are caused by me talking too much.  
I thought of you last night. Again while lying next to my aunt lol. She’s gonna hate me when she finally finds out i guess. But idc. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with a guy anymore. Maybe I’m not bi. Idk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Like U - NIKI


	4. Five pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good thing we’re both crackheads lol

So I ended up sending the chorus of Jenny to you on Snapchat :)  
Can’t blame me okayyy. You kept calling yourself my girl and there’s only so much my gay ass can handle ahhwjsehdjej 

So yeah. Yes homo ma’am 😩❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about you(acoustic) - R3HAB ft. Winona Oak


	5. oi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GAYYYYY

Keep saying oi and I’m gonna run away from home for you. I was talking to our friend and she just saw through how much of an old school romantic I was. I told her about the whole shit on 4th. Brushing my teeth and wanting you to be there, brushing next to me, smiling at me. She probably thinks I am a retard. Which I am when it comes to you ahhhwwjshs.  
I wish you’d have more free time though :( We barely spoke today. But I understand. Don’t feel bad about it. We’re both gonna be a lot busy.  
Coming out to that boi was hard but god bless him for not saying anything homophobic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sunflower, Vol. 6 - Harry Styles


	6. The moon is very beautiful. Yeah she is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time is right  
> Your perfume fills my head  
> The stars get red  
> And oh the night's so blue

Gonna end the cringe today. I don’t have much to say but when the girl in the movie said I love you to the guy and he heard moon I thought of you and smiled.   
Hope cringe makes you smile :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something stupid - glee cast


	7. ahhwjwndhd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Staring at my thoughts floating up to the ceiling  
> I'm swimming in everything you said  
> I'm thinking 'bout jumping in instead  
> I've got you skinny dipping deep inside my head

I rant about how love isn’t real but cute songs remind me of you now? Maybe I should believe love is in the small simple things, not all the extra shit in movies that make me think it’s lame? Maybe I should stop so strongly denying how strongly I feel sometimes. But maybe I’m conditioned to feel too much. I’m contradicting myself. Nice.

_Every time you move_  
_You're looking like you're dancing_  
_I think that you could have it_  
  
_Everything you do_  
_I want to do it with you_  
_Don't ever want to miss you_

Okay I’m such a sweetheart. You got new chapter also. You better give me all the juicy details on 11th now 😤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Floating - Alina Baraz & Khalid


	8. Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But it’s always your eyes that pull me under

I love this song but no heartbreak around here please.  
Two chapters in a day. Retardness is increasing.  
Ahhh I wanted to call today as well but I had to call family and then we played among us which was fun but :/  
I should go sleep instead of doing cringe oml.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet - Cigarettes after sex


	9. ✨ mixed feelings ✨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel like summer and I don't wanna miss you  
> If we don’t touch lips, not an issue  
> I don’t wanna talk 'bout nobody else  
> Know I said no love but I want to

I was studying five minutes ago :)

_One time, maybe twice in  
One night, it’s alright we’re  
Both alone so go together  
Kiss my wounds but not forever  
Fuck around, feel my heartbeat  
Fallin' down in the backseat  
Fill me up 'cause I'm runnin' on empty  
And it’s fine if we’re only pretending_

What we do is not cringe. We’re very unique so it’s not cringe. What I don’t like is people that go around sending cringe cheesy shit and saying I love you’s they don’t really mean. This maybe cheesy shit but it’s not the usual lame kind so it’s not cringe. It’s not fake. I’m not fake praising for the butterflies. So it’s not cringe. Am I trying real hard to lie to myself to make myself feel better? I hope not :)

The way I contradict myself when it comes to you is kinda pissing me off sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summer - keshi


	10. Weird dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honey honey, how you thrill me, a-ha, honey honey  
> Honey honey, nearly kill me, a-ha, honey honey

I had a nice dream yesterday :)))  
We were roommates and we’re trying to be all sly about stuff and then one of our seniors just casually mentions her girlfriend and I died in the dream. I’m still in the happiness of her being gay in my dream. She’s the class representative of our mother seniors which is third years going to fourth. Not the point. But yeah she gives off nice gay vibes because she has short hair and idk she just gives off very gay vibes somehow and I saw this other girl kiss her cheek yesterday and my gaydar went ‼️‼️‼️‼️  
My father hates me. He sent good morning at 6:15 instead of the usual 5 am and he knows. I think he knows and he’s in denial and has mentally disowned me so that’s nice haha (kill me).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honey, honey - ABBA


End file.
